I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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