I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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