I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my being single is dangerous.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
