Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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