um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
