I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
