it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
