Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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