dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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