mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
