..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
