I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
