A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize