I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
