In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize