why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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