I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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