how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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