There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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