nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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