distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
