Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
