you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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