ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
