I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
