ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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