just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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