I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
