I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize