bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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