Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
