i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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