he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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