I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
