I am puke
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you had me at cake vodka
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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