I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
