god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
