Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
