the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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