Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
