I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am available for nakedness
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
