Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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