well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just pee around me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
