New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
