The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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