Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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