I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
