Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
