It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
