im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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