I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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