so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will be naked everywhere
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
