Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize