today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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