Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
