i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My pussy is not your playground.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
