It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
