we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
