He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
