I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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