i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
