You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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