i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
