she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
