Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
