I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
