you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
