My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
