I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize