just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
