my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the day after is always just damage control
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
