you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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