Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize