I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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