I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
