Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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