More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Two words: blizzard sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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