these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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