I got chris browned last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
