went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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