AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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