Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
