Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
